Wait!, there is five minutes more! thought Alice. She has been looking forward to stepping out of her house for several days. Three years to be exact. The luxury of ‘Outside’ is limited to twelve people at any given time. The time one gets to venture out is like wild honey on warm bread. It’s savored and relished.
Alice was a bundle of emotions. She wanted to make every second count. She wanted to feel every flutter of wind. She wanted to endure every little grain of sand. She wanted to bathe in the glorious sunlight. She wanted the week to last forever. One she could carry with her and make the time that follows bearable. She has planned for this week since the last time she got to go out. She has carefully pondered her heart to discern what gave it pleasure and what did not. She listed everything down and graded them; for one week was not a very long time.
She was patient. If her memory served her right, this is the fourth time she is getting to go out. There could have been previous ventures, however, she was very young to remember them.
The first time that she could remember was a plethora of wonder, sensations and experiences. She was so elated that she trembled and crawled during most part of it. The overwhelming introduction, she would like to call it, was painful. By the time she wrapped her head around the venture, it was time to leave. The next three years were full of frustration. She could not understand the need to be in here while she could be out there. Why has it come to be so? All the historical documents in the Livery provides explanations and horrid visuals from the past. The sequence of events that drove the need for a way of life as it exists today. But why? Why did it all come to be? Why wasn’t she born in another time and another era?
Those thoughts consumed her soul most of the time. She cried her-selves to sleep on most nights. On others she just sat up looking through the window depicting the night sky over Undua. It was a mysterious velvet with twinkling spots. Spots she has come to know as stars, a representation of how the night looked Outside. She could not tell the difference between the window in her confinement and the real deal Outside. She was taught what they were. But the reality, she knew, was a whole different thing. Consumed by the mixture of thoughts and emotions she would fall asleep. The yearning for reality filled her core and everyday the fire burnt with new found rage.
The concept of existence was pretty straightforward. For some reason people were born. They grow and they die. And over the last sixty years, all life on Undua were born into confinement. The measure to isolate life from potential threats that has occurred into existence.
Confinement was protection of the species, ensuring its’s propagation and sustenance. The threats multiplied at such a fast pace, that it became nonviable to isolate them. The only possibility was isolating ourselves. Confinement came to be as the singular option on Undua.
Alice was an Unduan. For her it did not stand to mean anything. Because she had no relative perception of what being a certain ‘-ian’ meant. It was to create an identity. But what does it differentiate her from? She did not know.
Over the last two ventures Outside, she started perfecting the time available. By carefully planning what she wanted to do. The stream by the valley. The sunset over the plains. The bird flocking in the lake. Building sandcastles by the waves. Standing under the waterfall…
Her list was an endless one. Every time she sat down with it, there are ten more things to add and a hundred more to do better and more efficiently. Although she evolved from being frustrated over the short time that she was given each time. And had somehow got around to plan the time better, she still felt that void. The need to be Outside unconditionally. She felt she needed to stand under the waterfall for a hundred days if she wants to. She wanted to run on the beach until she falls down with aching legs. She wanted to catch that last ray of sun as it climbs up the other side of the valley and plunges her into darkness. Insatiable needs. A week was too short.
Human nature, a product of evolution, over a million years. A confluence of experiences coded into every living being to take it forward. Selected carefully discerning conditions and giving equal opportunities for every trait to express itself. That was what Alice represented.
And as all sentient and sapient beings, her instincts drove her to seek freedom. Although she did not completely understand or place what the need was. Her innate want elicited the way she reacted to every stimuli she encountered. Her need was never to be controlled.
The last five minutes wound up and she heard the clang of chains and levers. The tiny metal door that separated her from Outside gave way. Light poured through the opening. She would call it a door, but it didn’t let her move through it on her whim. It was the reason she is confined every time. She hated every rivet on it. She walked out. Stretched. Felt the sun on her face and drew in a deep breath. She felt the heaviness over her shoulder lift. It was an unbearable pain and relentless pleasure. She didn’t let that overwhelm her. She walked. The list was in her heart of hearts. Every second, every minute, every day. To be experienced. No time to waste. No time to hang by or wander. Every step was determined. Every purpose was heart spelled. Every movement was decisive. The stream, the sand, the waterfall, the sunrise and sunset, the birds and the animals, the wind and the ocean…she rolled herself in the mirth and wonderment around her. She wanted to sponge it all. Because she knew, as the days wore on and as the time wound up, she will but be left with that last thing on her list. Her spirit sought the experience, but didn’t want to endure it’s physical form. It was getting ready to give up this existence for its instinctive need to be free… Her rage, her need, her sanctity, her identity, her sadness, her joy culminates at the end of the seventh day. She lets everything go as it was worth the pain, than having to lie on her mother’s bosom just for a few days…Undua ceases to exist as the last sun sets. Alice is let to go…Her expression moves on for new experiences.
pramod nair 